It is 4am in the morning and I have been sitting up for more than half of the night thinking about my life. Half of my body on the bed and my feet on the mat on which my 5 children sleep. My children sleep like tomatoes in a bag: one on top of the other either the legs, hands, heads or even bodies. We live in a single room. We struggle with what to eat almost all year round. We barely eat three times daily. There is nothing I did not sell. I sold all my wedding jewelleries, animals, farming tools, clothes. I have basically sold every valuable thing I had in my possession, and I would do it over again for my children. I have been taking care of my husband, my children and myself all alone. I currently sell detergents at the compound gate and the little profits I make from there is what I use to pay for my children’s school fees. I make sure that my children are not absent for school even for a day. My eldest daughter Nabie who is 12 years old is in the eighth grade. Such a smart young girl. She is my source of hope. I had seen death in the face the day she was born. She has been so close to me. She helps me with everything. She understands me more than I understand myself.
Today, it has been 24 days since Nabie ran from home. I’ve searched for her at all corners.
My legs hurt; my face is all swollen from crying. My body is just empty. I’m filled with so much anger, pain and bitterness. I have been living with depression, deceit and lack of love for the longest. Despite my struggles, I have been showing love to people in ways that even surprises me. I believe that persons with the greatest struggles show more love than those that live in happiness.
I have been through the most. I was married at age 12 to a 64-year-old man. I can still remember that day as if it was yesterday. In my village, getting married before 15 was compared to being a queen. You are celebrated for the success, parents and relatives will shower you with gifts. As a child, I never knew what marriage was all about. I didn’t have any form of guidance. My parents that were supposed to lead me where in fact the celebrants that day. The whole village praised them for upholding our culture. You should have seen the smiles on their faces. The whole show was about them. People brought gifts, animals, food stuff, jewelries, clothes and many more. I was sitting in the midst of my cousins with mixed feelings. I didn’t know what was ahead but I was impressed with the ceremony. I started feeling big but when I got to my husband’s house, I lived in hell. I can’t remember how many times I cried and fainted. I have tried to escape so many times. I physically fought my husband many nights trying to stop him from sleeping with me. He would beat me black and blue, red and white. I sustain bruises and wounds every night. He just did so today and today will be the last time. I cannot explain how much I hate this man. Anything I say will be an understatement. I can never forget all this man made me go through as a child bride. The only thing he did not do was burry me.
I have been through the most and my biggest worry is how to escape this place with my children. He has trapped this whole house with black magic. He claims to know everything but today, whether he knows or not, whether he finds me or not, I am going with my children. Our lives are much more important than anything. At this point, I am already dead.
I only breathe for one reason: my children. But before I finally die, I will take my children away from this monster. There is no form of hardship my children and I didn’t go through in his hands. If I can feed this whole family for 15years, I can do even more when we are away from here.
I have been through the most. As I place my feet on this ground today, I shall take my children and never look back. If he catches us, I know today will be my last day on earth but what’s life without risks? My children and I can’t continue to stay here. Before Nabie’s disappearance, a man in his 40s came here and was presented as her husband. My daughter was shocked. She has cried the whole day even though I have given her assurances that I will not leave her. I have never seen my daughter this scared. What I wished I had, is exactly what I will give my daughter. I have heard news yesterday that she is with her school mistress. We had all planned today together since yesterday. Today, not even a loud speaker will be able to wake my husband. I prepared a mixture of herbs and added it to his food to make him sleep. Today is my day of glory. I don’t care what success seems to you. My success is leaving this place with my children. There is no form of abuse I didn’t live in this house be it behind closed doors or public. Today is our liberation day and as I wake my children this night, so shall I wake victory in our lives because I have been through the most and today marks the end of it.